Final Draft

Well, I completed my final draft and submitted it this past Friday. It came out to about 93 pages. A little on the shorter end but a lot of it is action and it would play out longer than it is written. This term is starting to get busy and I need to turn my focus to my senior project now. For my own means, "Son of Liberty" is far from being done, but for the class I'm done. Regardless of how good or not it is, I've put in a lot of effort and I've still completed a feature length script.

Pacing

Right now one of my big concerns is the pacing of "Son of Liberty". I'm really satisfied with the way the beginning moves, especially the opening sequence. And I'm somewhat happy with my Act II pacing (note the somewhat). But the pacing of Act III makes it look like a Speed addict wrote it. So, what I've been doing is something I learned in Directing for the Screen.

When learning to analyze scripts, we broke down everything into beats. Obviously in screenwriting classes we learn to make beat sheets, but in the directing class we learned to take those beats and make blocks. I've been finding that breaking down my script into blocks helps sort out the pacing of everything. It makes it easier to see how long sequences are and if they are getting the amount of time they do or don't deserve. If anyone else is having pacing issues, try this out. It may help.

Rewriting and Proofreading

Up early today. A lot to get done and I have to catch an 8:00 Pm train back to Philly. Read through my entire script last night out loud. Much easier to catch spelling mistakes that way. I've found I don't catch them if I read the script to myself.

Obviously, reading dialogue out loud is important to make sure it flows or sounds right. If you don't do that already, you should start. But reading the entire script out loud just makes the editing process a ton easier. Catching things now I didn't catch before and probably should have.

Rewrites

So, I've been finding that it's easier for me to re-read and tear apart my script after I've printed it out. I can only look at a computer screen for so long. I like being able to take a hard copy with a red pen, sit down in a comfortable spot and just go to town. If you haven't tried it yet, you really should. It makes the rewriting process a lot easier.

CS Open, Round 2

Made it into Round 2 of the CS Open. We get the Round 2 premise tonight at 8:00PM and we have until Noon tomorrow. Guess we'll see what happens.

Screenwriting Contest, Round 1 Score

Just got my judge's score from the Screenwriting Expo CS Open: 91 out of 100. 23/25 for Structure, 22/25 for Dialogue, 23/25 for Style, and 23/25 for Originality. Judge's other comments: "You have a strong sense of stakes and action. Well done." But there was no mention of advancing to the next round or not. I guess that's a separate notification? Maybe? I'll be optimistic.

First Draft

Well put the bubbly on ice, I just finished my first draft. Okay, maybe that's a little extreme and by a little extreme I mean a lot. But I really did finish my first draft. Woo hoo! Sorry, I'm excited. You should be too. Just kidding, but not really.

Anyway, I am off to bed. Tomorrow will be a day of proofreading and Monday I will send it off to be torn to shreds. Yay for being ahead of schedule!

Screenwriting Expo, Round 1

So, Round 1 of that screenwriting contest started at 8:00 PM tonight. I have until noon on Monday to write a 5 page scene. Here's the premise they gave:

Cyberspace Open Round 1 Premise

"Your PROTAGONIST is in a jam. He (or she) had been relying on deception in order to further his objective, but his ENEMY has figured out the ruse. Write the scene in which your protagonist’s LOVE INTEREST confronts him with this information acquired from the enemy – while in staging it in a tricky or dangerous situation."

End Of Premise

I have a few ideas. Guess we'll see what happens.

ACT III

Right now I'm taking a break to boil some water for a cup of tea, but I've just finished writing the Climax. Woo hoo!

But I'm having trouble deciding how to end the story. I definitely want to end with Benjamin leaving Boston for Ohio Country but I have a few options on how to do it. Benjamin can 1) Leave alone and leave everything behind. 2) Forgive Abby and take her with him as planned. 3) Forgive Abby, take her with him as planned, and bring his mother & sister as well. 4) Not forgive Abby, leave her behind and take his mother & sister with him.

I'm not sure. At the moment I'm leaning towards the last one, but I'm not sure if I like that. I don't particularly like the idea of Benjamin forgiving Abby so soon either. I mean because of Abby, Benjamin's father is dead (along with two other Patriots), his family's home & business has been ransacked and destroyed, they've all been listed as traitors, and Benjamin's mother & sister have nowhere to go now. I suppose, I could have him leave alone and have John Hancock offer to take care of Benjamin's mother and sister but that's just lame I think. Although, I do like the idea of him going off alone. Or I could just use an entirely different ending altogether. Damn it. I hate endings.

Screenwriting Expo...huh?

So, one of the recent emails sent out to the film students from Sharon was about an online screenwriting contest. I figured why not, could be fun. If nothing else it's practically free criticism. After entering I came to realize how completely asinine it is. As the contest goes on and more people are eliminated, the amount of time you have to write a 5 page scene decreases.

The first round you have from 5:00PM Friday to 9:00AM Monday to write a 5 page scene (Pacific time of course, so that kind of sucks for us East Coasters). A weekend for 5 pages is not bad at all, especially since they provide the characters and the premise. May not be perfect, but you can pump out something somewhat readable. Round two, you have 16 hours to write a 5 page scene. And if you think that's ridiculous, then wait til you hear what the last round is. A 5 page scene in 90 minutes. 90 minutes?! Clearly the people who thought of this contest are not only not real screenwriters but have no idea how to write a decent script. I hope they don't expect anything fantastic out of this contest. I feel like this is along the same lines as Matt joking about someone writing a script in one weekend.

Oh and I forgot to mention how they decide the winner. They take the top 3 scenes from the third round, professional actors perform them in front of a live audience and the audience decides which scene was best. I don't know about you guys, but I would be completely embarrassed to have a scene I wrote in 90 minutes performed in front of a live audience.

Well, we'll see how it all goes, I suppose. Silly people make me laugh.

Apparently the Dark Side Does Win...

I would just like to say when I read my brother's text message today that Disney bought Marvel Comics, not only did I actually shed a tear, I think part of my soul died. Good-bye to Marvel, hello to the Spider-Man/Mickey Mouse Team-Up, the Incredibles vs. the X-Men mini-series, the brand new "hit" series " The Spectacular Adventures of Hannah Montana", and to Donald Duck being the new leader of the Brotherhood of Mutants.

And so the evil corporation has yet another flawless victory on its record. First Pixar, now Marvel. Next they'll somehow manage to buy both Sony and Microsoft, bringing about the apocalypse. The seas will boil, fire will rain from the sky...cats and dogs living together, MASS HYSTERIA!

On the bright side, all of my Marvel comic books will probably go up in worth.

Midpoint, Check. First Draft, In Progress

So, up to the Midpoint has been completed. But after getting back comments on Act I, I feel like I've done one of those two steps forward, three steps back sort of things. Matt made a really good point that makes me feel really stupid: my hero doesn't do anything of any great interest until the end of Act I. Up until then, all he does is take care of his father and run his father's store. Big woop. I need to punch this thing up, but I'm not sure how yet. I'll continue on the path I'm on and finish my entire first draft. From there I'll tear it down and build it back up. I'll never get done if I try to figure this out now.

Bored

Today at work, there was very little for the special effects department to do so we basically bullshitted for the second half of the day (along with watch the very scary storm move in absurdly fast). One of the effects guys asked me what my favorite movie was and I couldn't answer him. So I decided to make a list. I wrote down the first 60 movies (why 60, I don't know) that came to mind. Don't judge me.

1. Raiders of the Lost Ark

2. Finding Neverland

3. Good Will Hunting

4. The Empire Strikes Back

5. A Beautiful Mind

6. The Cider House Rules

7. Hold that Ghost

8. 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea

9. North by Northwest

10. Gunga Din

11. Star Wars

12. Young Frankenstein

13. Arsenic and Old Lace

14. The Adventures of Robin Hood

15. Great Expectations

16. Blade Runner

17. Taxi Driver

18. The Mark of Zorro

19. The Last of the Mohicans

20. Casino Royale

21. Batman

22. Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein

23. Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade

24. Edward Scissorhands

25. Dances With Wolves

26. Return of the Jedi

27. Blazing Saddles

28. Little Miss Sunshine

29. Saving Private Ryan

30. The Dirty Dozen

31. Alien

32. In Bruges

33. The Quiet Man

34. Rio Bravo

35. Black Rain

36. Gattaca

37. Children of Men

38. The Searchers

39. American Graffiti

40. The Untouchables

41. The Princess Bride

42. The Diving Bell and the Butterfly

43. Aliens

44. Bottle Rocket

45. Ghostbusters

46. Ghostbusters II

47. WALL-E

48. Up

49.The Life Aquatic

50.Rear Window

51. District 9

52. Aladdin

53. The Iron Giant

54. The Nightmare Before Christmas

55. Finding Nemo

56. The Lion King

57. Coraline

58. Robin Hood (Disney)

59. Mary Poppins

60. The Goonies

Act One

I've just completed my draft of Act One. Woo hoo! Just taking a quick break and then I'll be reading through for spelling and grammar and such, something that never seems to work very well for me.

Gunga Din

So, I just finished watching "Gunga Din" for the first time. Everyone always talks about the influence Kurosawa had on Star Wars, but everyone seems to overlook this movie. It's basically the same exact story. Also, it's almost exactly the same as Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. All I have to say is that "Gunga Din" seems to be a forgotten film amongst the common person and that makes me sad. I don't think I can find any major flaws within the movie. The story works great, the lead cast is absolutely amazing, the cinematography is gorgeous, the music works, the locations work great and with George Stevens at the helm, how do you go wrong? If I were to make a list of 100 greatest films in history, "Gunga Din" would be on it. And if I was making a list of 100 most influential films, it would be in the top 10, hands down.

The Midpoint

So I realized the other day while I was working on my opening sequence, that I was unable to figure out what my midpoint was. If I said that's bad, that's a HUGE understatement. So I decided to put more time in between the time Benjamin runs an errand for his father (his first act as a "spy") and when he is actually recruited by the Patriots. The time in between that will be his transformation into a Patriot. This way now instead of just being okay with being recruited by the Patriot spies, and feeling obligated to do it (for his father), he's doing it because secretly he wants to do it. Also, it gives more time to develop the relationship between Benjamin and his girlfriend and to develop the villain.

Random thoughts...

So while I was on set yesterday sitting behind a fake wall next to a water pump pretending to work, I realized how much I love to write, despite how good or bad I am. And also how much I miss it. On co-op I haven't had as much time to do as much writing as I would have liked. It's hard for me to write actual scenes on set, so I had trouble working on my open sequence for "Son of Liberty", but I came up with another story that I started writing down instead. A month or two ago I found this old airplane adventure book from the 30's in a corner bookstore for a dollar and I thought it'd be cool to do a story in the same genre; without being Indiana Jones. Something to save for later I guess.

Scene List and Character Bios

WOO HOO! I've finished writing out my scene list and character bios. Now I just have to type them up.

The Villain: Major John Pitcairn

As I work on my last character bio, the main villain, Major John Pitcairn, I realized I needed to know more about him. So I did a little more research online. And I found this site:

http://www.winthrop.dk/majpit4.html

It's only a page of information, but it's some information that is extremely helpful and definitely gives me some ideas for back story within scenes. Also, on the site it mentions Pitcairn used to host socials where everyone, Patriots and Loyalists, could come and discuss things like civilized people over a drink. I'm trying to fit that into my story in someway. I feel like that could be a good reconnaissance mission/sequence. Maybe.

Research

Over the last few days I've done a lot of research via books and related films. For the spy aspect I've been reading through the Spycraft book I talked about a few posts earlier. I'm still waiting on a book from the library. I also watched Casino Royale and broke it down. For the history part I muscled through a book called Redcoats and Rebels that covers the beginning of the American Revolution. I also watched 1776 and have got my hands on a copy of the book by David McCullough. I put together a list of things from all of my research to incorporate into the story and the script that will hopefully give it a little more and make it a more interesting.

Independence Day

Seeing as this blog follows a script that takes place at the beginning of the American Revolution, I think it would be appropriate to have a post wishing everyone a happy, safe and fun Independence Day!

20,000 Leagues Under the Sea...

...I've always loved this movie and I've decided to revisit it. For 1954, it's an amazing movie technically. The effects are amazing for that time, the color cinematography is perfect, the sound is great, the art direction and production design is flawless. And not even just the technique, it's got some great casting and acting. Kirk Douglas as Ned and Paul Lukas as the Professor with Peter Lorre as a good guy for once (weird but good). And of course the forever creepy James Mason as Captain Nemo. It always upsets me when great movies are forgotten about, especially when they're ripped off really badly to make a billion dollar blockbuster. I'm fairly certain there are scenes in Dead Man's Chest that are taken from 20,000 Leagues almost shot for shot, but I guess since they're both Disney, there's no copyright infringement, and they're only making more money for themselves. Still uncool. Actually, I'm fairly certain the recipe for Dead Man's Chest is a cup of 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea and a cup of the Disney version of Treasure Island with a dash of Johnny Depp and really weird fish monsters. Thank you Disney for bastardizing your own work! I'm going to go enjoy this movie now. Good night

Benjamin Hale

This is what I have for the main character's Bio.

Name: Benjamin Hale

Age: 17

Height: 5'10"

Hair: Brown

Eyes: Brown

-Born June 17th, 1758

-Parents are Charles Hale (37) and Elizabeth Hale (35)

-Has a younger sister, Jane Hale (11)

-Had a younger brother, William Hale, who died as an infant. He would have been 13.

-He thinks very logically and often does not let emotion get in the way of his thoughts.

-Has mixed feelings about the Patriots and is more neutral than anything else; he's neither Patriot nor Tory. He believes in "No Taxation Without Representation" but does not believe war with the most powerful army in the world is intelligent, necessary or an option. He naively believes the problems between the Colonies and Britain can be solved by sitting down and sorting them out together. He doesn't hate the British, but he certainly doesn't love them. Due to his logical way of thinking, Benjamin weighs both sides arguments and the morally wrong things both sides have done, usually bringing him back to being very neutral on the subject.

-Is a regular church goer and is a Unitarian. He believes the church is the one place where Tories, Patriots, Colonists and British can go together and set aside their differences.

-Due to Benjamin's neutral feelings, he often clashes with his father, who is an avid Patriot.

-His girlfriend is Abigail "Abby" Winslow (16), the girl next door and daughter of Doctor John Winslow, a Tory doctor. Often times, Ben clashes with Charles over Abby's Tory affiliation. But Benjamin likes her not just for the fact that she's very beautiful but because she's domestically able. Abby has been take care of her household ever since her mother passed on when she was 10. Also, from being around her father she's picked up pieces medical knowledge. Abby's the perfect woman to have a family, and Benjamin knows it (he also wasn't the only one going after her).

-His best friend is his older cousin, Nathan Hale (20). They're more like brothers than cousins. When they were younger, they were both big pranksters and would often play pranks on Abby and her friends or on Jane. One thing they both agree on his they both enjoy a good laugh. However, once the tension with Britain worsened, they began to drift due to Benjamin's neutral feelings and Nathan's strong Patriotic beliefs.

-Charles once caught Benjamin and Nathan stealing some ale from the cellar and he made them drink until they were sick. Benjamin hasn't had a drop since and is often ridiculed for it.

-Has a fascination with thunder and lightning.

-Works in his father's general store, which is the equivalent of a modern day convenience store. Many times Charles has to leave Boston on business, in which case Benjamin takes over in the shop until he returns.

-He learned to read and write from his mother but never attended school due to his high attendance in his father's store. Working in the store (and his father) taught him mathematics and economics. After his mother taught him to read and write, he began keeping a journal.

-When he was old enough to make deliveries for the store, Benjamin's father bought him a horse, Lemmy, who became Benjamin's best friend, second only to Nathan. Ben prides himself on the fact that he has never fallen off his horse. Because he often goes out to make deliveries and pickups for the shop and his father, Ben knows the streets and roads of the Boston area better than anyone. Generally, he makes these trips alone (aside from Lemmy of course) and he likes it that way; he enjoys the the peace, quiet and solitude.

-If he could, Benjamin would get away from the city, away from the Patriots, away from the British, away from everything and live out on the frontier, where he can have peace and quiet and raise a family. After witnessing multiple riots and the Boston Massacre, he didn't choose a side, he lost faith in humanity and just wants to get away from everything. He often prays to God to help him escape from people and asks why he's allowed humanity to get to this point.

Spy Tech and Ending

I picked up a book today that covers spy tech and craft. It's for the modern spy of course, but I thought it might help when I get down to the nitty gritty of the script, especially the opening sequence.

I've just about finalized my story (for now). The only thing I'm still working on is the ending. I've come up with a few ideas, but I'm not sure which one works the best or if they work at all:

1) My original idea: Benjamin is caught by a group of redcoats and hanged after drawing them off so William Dawes can alert all of the nearby villages the British are coming.

2) William Dawes draws off the redcoats while Benjamin rides off to tell everyone the British are coming (Matt came up with this idea during class, but even though I'm okay with and plan on changing history a little, I'm not sure if this one works due to the amount of changing I'd be doing, unless I let Dawes live)

3) The Redcoats catch Benjamin and while trying to hang him, a group of Patriots from one of the nearby villages comes to his rescue, under the orders of William Dawes as he was passing through their village. (So far I like this one the best, but I'm not sure if it's too episodic or not)

4) Same as no. 3 except Dawes comes back to save him. (This one is just as feasible but I feel like it defeats the purpose of Benjamin distracting the redcoats to begin with)

Again, I'm not sure if they work, and if they don't I'll continue working on it. If anyone has any ideas, suggestions or advice, I'm all ears

Story

With the exception of a few minor things, I have the bulk of my story pretty much nailed down. My focus for the next three weeks my focus is going to be making those few minor changes and making sure my characters are as fleshed out as possible.